Have you ever seriously contemplated the degrees in which we ask, and often demand, that our dog companions behave as humans do? How we blame them when they aren’t seeming to respect those ways, like sniffing crotches, or running after a cat, or snatching the just-out-of-the-oven chicken breasts?
Sure, I know, it’s part of the deal right? We take care of them, and they respect our ways. We control them and they get love, food, and shelter. It’s a great set up in so many ways. And . . .
Walking, Running, Sniffing, and Swimming at the Sandy River Delta
Recently, Tobi and I drove out to a 1000 acre public piece of land where the Sandy River pours into the Columbia River–the big one that separates Oregon from Washington. It’s a dog and dog lover mecca of sorts. The area is an expansive stretch of grasses, wildflowers, wild blackberry bushes, cottonwood trees, and criss-crossing foot trails.
No cars, no private lawns, no dog police, no signs demanding, “Dogs Must Be On Leash,” or “No Dogs Allowed.” Amidst rustling grasses, flapping tree leaves, flitting son
g birds, and snapping insects are dogs being dogs. Dogs being dogs–sprinting, smelling, leaping, pooping, peeing, playing, exploring. And their people.
From Their Point of View
From the moment Tobi and I got out of the car, we were free from most all human constraints. Yes, we. That brings us back to the “And . . .” I left you with at the beginning of this story. To deeply bond with another being, I’ve found that offering empathy and acceptance is essential. I’m not just talkin’ dogs here. I mean with any sentient being we choose to know and relate to who lives life differently than we do. That would be every body.
Of course, dogs need to follow our lead, our rules, our directions in order to stay safe and for us to live sanely in our human world. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in houses where dogs are in charge, and it doesn’t really work well for anyone involved. But isn’t it a part of a mutually respectful relationship to find ways of appreciating, honoring, and celebrating our differences? Even, within reason, trying them on–exploring through empathy and acceptance.
Honoring Their World
You probably don’t want to try sniffing crotches, or chewing on a raw bone, or peeing on your neighbor’s lawn. But running, roughhousing, greeting face to face, or romping carelessly along a river with our dogs are just a few ways we can say yes to there world, to honor what’s normal in their nature of communication and relating. Perhaps one of the greatest ways we can respect their ways is to provide them with opportunities to roam with us off lead at their own pace and rhythm.
As I walked with Tobi that day at the delta, I reveled in our freedom together. He’d earned my trust and I his. We watched out for each other, moving together independently as we traveled along paths, engaged with other dogs, people, and the land. He wanting to be with me, my wanting to be with him, untethered.
This is the point in a relationship with a dog, where our hours of obedience training–I mean our human training in understanding how to communicate our needs and understand how they communicate theirs–leads to a level of trust where we can reward our dogs by letting them naturally roam with us as a pack.
It’s a paradox, I suppose, the more time we take defining boundaries with our dogs and making sure we establish clear cues and reinforce them positively, the more we can honor their natural ways. It is at this point where guardianship becomes companionship.
Get On All Fours
To deepen your bond with dogs and other animal companions, you must be willing to consider how much you expect them to fit into your comfort zone and then imagine how much they are surrendering their own comfort zone to live with and please you.
- Sit in your heart as you contemplate this sacrifice; find your empathy. Get down on the floor with your dog. Let her lick your face. Rub your head again hers. Imagine what it’s like to be her in that moment.
- Make a list of all the things that your dog does for you or with you because it meets your needs.
- Then make a list of all the things you know your dog loves, wants, and needs. Be willing to learn loves, want, and needs that you couldn’t see before putting yourself into his paws.
- Define a give and take between your human world and his or her dog world. Create a working system where your dog obeys you in every way you fairly need her to, and in return give her every opportunity to enjoy her dogness. Tobi turns two years old next week. We still have training and communication work to do for me to feel certain that he’ll come when I ask him to, when I need him to, for example. The rewards of learning how to communicate with our dogs are what dreams of breaking the interspecies communication barriers are made of. Worlds open up, theirs and ours.
What kinds of things do you share with your dog(s) and other companion animals that let you enter into their world? What ways might you appreciate dog, human differences with more empathy and acceptance? What kinds of ways do you honor their world, their natural ways of being?
Comments on: "Honoring Dog Ways in Our Human World" (10)
I am enjoying your voice, empathy with dog-people – I like the idea – but don’t know if I can let Tobi lick my face.
at this point.
Thanks Meg. Yeh, well you don’t have to let him lick you to appreciate that licking a face is a normal way that dogs greet welcome visitors into their pack.
That’s one of those appreciation things for you, and for someone else it’s a stepping into dog world. It’s a great way to appreciate how there may be equally challenging or bizarre things to dogs that we expect them to do.
Does that make sense?
We have a running joke in our family that our son really is not a dog…really! It comes from noticing how he crawls on all fours and likes to put everything in his mouth. Although, I haven’t yet seen him sniffing anyone’s crotch
Hey Jim,
It’s those genetic mutations that keep the world going round. Ha.
How great to find you here today. Since Auggie (sp?) isn’t into crotch sniffing, I’d go ahead and dub him a duman, you know part dog, part human.
How’s he with your dog? Do they communicate much?
He’s pretty good with Amina. And she is very tolerant of his toddler hands. About the only time she does anything is if he’s going for the eyes…and then she just gets up and walks away.
On a different note, was wondering if you would care to comment on using a squirt bottle as a deterrent. One “human training” class I took recommended this for unwanted behaviours. I’ve been on the fence about it myself, noticing how effective it can be, and although it appears harmless…well, it feels a little unkind to me, too. Any thoughts?
Jim,
I love that you ask about squirt bottles. I would say that you’re on the right track in feeling that it’s a little unkind. It is one of the lessor forms of what trainers call “positive punishment,” which includes intense stuff like choke collars and dominant roll overs.
That said, using a squirt bottle may be necessary as a stop gap measure to maintain sanity in your house. But if you want to resolve the behavior, it’s important create a positive reinforcement training plan that your dog can learn.
If you get results using a water bottle, it’s because Amina has learned to avoid something that doesn’t feel good without making any connection to what she is doing “wrong.” That means she will simply not do anything that provokes a shot in the face. If you’re not there with a water bottle, she won’t hesitate to do whatever behavior she’s inclined to do.
We should talk about what behaviors Amina is doing that you would rather she didn’t and come up with a lasting way to work on it.
What’s Amina up to that draws the need to squirt?
Positive punishment…is that supposed to be an oxymoron?!
In my training class I learned about how things like choker chains led to the dog developing a tolerance and needing stronger deterrents, etc. The teacher seemed pretty compassionate with the dogs in general, but I must admit I’ve always felt a little uneasy about using the squirt bottle. On the one hand, I liked that it seemed to not be harmful physically. But on the other hand, Amina always looks soooo dejected when i do it.
I don’t do it very often, so thankfully she/I haven’t had to go through it much. About the only time is when she barks at friends when they’re over. She’s very protective of our family. She’s a mix of australian shepherd and we think some chow, too.
Anyway, she can be quite fearful, especially of men. If she’s exposed enough, she’ll eventually warm up and even become very fond of others. But for the friends that are less frequent, she’s very nervous and barks a lot.
So we’ve tried treats to help her calm down, talking to her to help her calm down, grunting and growling at her to communicate our displeasure…none of these have worked. So far, only the squirt bottle gets her attention.
But I’d love to let go of that altogether. She really is part of our family, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t do that to my kids, either
Hey Jim,
Yeh, “positive punishment” is one of those strange behavioral science jargony things. It is basically their way of distinguishing between a punishment that is added to the situation versus “negative punishment” that is accomplished by removing something that someone wants. For a dog this could be removing or not giving a treat if they don’t do what you’ve asked, or simply being separated from you for a time. It takes a while to get used to the different way of using “positive” and “negative.”
So Amina’s barking thing is a tough one, especially since her breed is all about guarding, protecting, being loyal to their family. I have some ideas about how you might work on this problem. They will take time and consistency. That’s the tough part. It also means that you may not be able to greet friends at your door in the way you normally do, for a while.
I suspect that Amina needs a more engaged level of leadership from you in those moments when “intruders” have arrived. She needs to know that someone is making sure everyone’s going to be safe, herself as well.
I’d be happy to talk to you more about it, and come over and do some one-on-one and then family work to figure out some ways to help change the fear and barking.
Hey Kate!
I finally got around to checking out your site. It looks great! I could give you all the standard comments (your own domain name, for one) about how to keep moving in the right direction… but I want to say that, really, it’s a fantastic start! I especially like the inclusion of photos – that seems particularly interested for this topic. Business blogs can get away with not inserting many photos, but dogs just beg to be photographed!
I don’t know if you’re thinking about going more into training type stuff, but some video features might be nice.
Anyway – I love your writing style and I’m subscribed, so looking forward to more articles.
I’ll offer thoughts as I come across them.
Regarding this article in particular, and my dog, Buckley – I have a question. Buckley is not particularly “guarding” oriented in the way that Jim’s dog seems to be – though if a stranger gets too close to the house, he lets us know. Sometimes, though, something will really rile him… most notably he hates it when the smoke alarm goes off. Lest you think we’re terrible cooks, it’s just a particular way the airflow in our house works – when we forget to turn on the overoven filter it will sometimes trip the alarm. Happens maybe once a week. Never when I’m cooking.
He gets really fearful of it. The sound, of course, is extremely irritating, but it’s more than that. Once, when he was very young and we lived in another house, we accidentally left a pot of Garbanzo beans on and forgot about it. We were fortunate in that it didn’t do anything to the house, but it did fill the house full of smoke, and Buckley was in there. He managed to find a place where he could breathe ok and he was fine, physically, but I think his extreme reactions to the fire alarm have to do with this.
He won’t bark, but tries immediately to go into the basement (where he knows he isn’t allowed to go, and doesn’t normally) and I just feel really bad for him.
However, a dog trainer we had when he was young told us that when he exhibits fearful behavior we shouldn’t “reinforce it” by petting, comforting, etc because that reinforces the fearful behavior.
That just seems wrong to me. I feel like I need to reassure him that I’m on top of it, nothing is wrong, and he’s ok. Am I off base? What is best to do in these situations? Should I just let him go to the basement despite the fact that it’s off limits?
Eric
Wow…talk about serendipity…Eric’s post just came through to my email…even though it’s 4 months old now! But so apropos.
I don’t see any response to Eric here, so I’m wondering if you have anything you’ve written on this that you could easily forward?
Thanks a million Kate